


Don't Want None

by ticktockclockwork



Series: One Hit Wonders: A Check Please! Song Fic Series [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff, Happy Sex, Laughter During Sex, Like stupid fluffy, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Polyamory, Sex, Songfic, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Tooth Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:23:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8638603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ticktockclockwork/pseuds/ticktockclockwork
Summary: It's Kent's birthday and he and Jack wear Bitty's short shorts. That's it. That's the whole plot.
Pimmbits happy sex~





	

“Operation Anaconda is a go.”

“Kenny you know I don't know what that means.”

“I know, that's why I picked it, just go with it Jack he's almost here.”

In a very nice apartment in a very nice city in the middle of a desert Bitty was just coming home. He was coming to  _ this _ home, at least, one of three that he now claimed as his own, a fact which still put a flutter to his heart. He was carrying two full canvas bags filled with this morning's farmers market finds and he was struggling just a tad.

He would never admit it off course, not Eric 'Bitty One Trip Or Nothing’ Bittle, who insisted he could totally balance that watermelon even with his arms laden with bags. When it was 95°F outside with 200% humidity in the dog days of the Georgia summer you did NOT make a second trip to get the rest of the groceries. Bitty insisted it had given him all his upper arm strength growing up. “Canned veggies are NOT light, Jack. It was like doing curls when my mama and I did our weekly shopping trip.” Jack would always argue that Bitty should have just done  _ actual _ curls but then Bitty would heft six bags with one arm and raise a brow, and Jack would shut up.

Usually he'd then immediately drag Bitty to bed but that was neither here nor there.

Today he was struggling with his keys in the door. He'd bought a large bundle of sunflowers from the market because Kent always said they reminded him of Bitty's smile, and while that was a lovely sentiment Bitty was currently regretting that decision as they were entirely in his face. He couldn't even see his feet, let alone the lock on his door. Blindly he worked, forehead pressed to the wood, grumbling sweet southern vulgarities at the damned door. He almost had it, could feel his fingertips run over the keyhole. Finally he ducked his head to see between the thick stalks of the sunflowers which gave him just enough to slide the key in the lock and push the door open.

He all but fell through, grumbling to himself. “I don't know why y'all just let me suffer out there. I know ya could here me!” He fussed irritably. He knew Jack and Kent were home. It was Kent's birthday and Bitty had left his boys in bed that morning as he went to hit the market early. Knowing them they would have lounged all day on the couch while Bitty was out. Bitty could even hear the TV on, and miraculously it sounded like trashy celebreality TV was playing, not game tapes. That would be Kent's doing. Jack could never say no to him on his birthday.

“Are y'all just gonna watch me struggle with this?” he asked with a whine, tipping backwards to try to get the bag high enough up to slide out over the counter.

“Oh, my b. Lemme help you with that Bits. Jack, wanna get the other?” Bitty couldn't see him, but Kent definitely sounded weird.

“Sure. I love being helpful. I'll take that, bud.” Jack sounded weird too and Bitty frowned hard as the bags were finally lifted from his arms and set aside.

“What are y'all up t-” and he stopped.

Now, Bitty has seen many a strange things in his short life. In high school he'd once seen members of the football team get into an argument over who could fit more of their fists in their mouths. Demonstrations were, of course, necessary. At the haus he'd had to bear witness to Ransom wearing entire salmon colored outfits because he'd lost a bet to Holster. Coach had once decided to shave off his mustache but not his beard. When his mama had seen it she'd had gone very very quiet before whispering “Richard why?” only to never speak of it again.

But this here, what Bitty was looking at right now, was probably the strangest by far.

Jack and Kent were standing in front of him, both looking completely innocent. They were shirtless, Jack sporting a new hickey which really spoke to their morning activities, and, to finish the whole picture off, they were just in shorts. But not just any shorts. Oh no, it couldn't be just any shorts. Instead, Kent and Jack were both wearing  _ Bitty's _ shorts and looking pleased as fucking punch about it.

Kent had selected a fine bordereau colored pair that Bitty fondly remembered wearing this past spring to a concert he and Kent had gone to in the desert at night. They weren't the shortest on Bitty, more that Bermuda shorts than short shorts. But on Kent they cut up high. They, surprisingly, fit around his waist, though they were  _ snug _ on his hips and around his ass.

Jack clearly didn't even try for the regular shorts and instead had opted for a pair of Bitty's running shorts. They were blue with white striping down the sides. Bitty had bought them explicitly because they were the same color as Jack's eyes and to see them on him now, absolutely staining against Jack's Adonis thighs amongst other things?

Well, it was _doing_ _things_ to Bitty.

“I…” Bitty was fish mouthing as he stared at the two. Kent absolutely lit up and Jack had to laugh, moving forward to push Bitty's chin up with his finger.

“Happy birthday, Kent.” Jack muttered, even as he wrapped his arms around Bitty's waist, kissing his cheek. “Welcome home, Bits.” He whispered, but Bitty barely heard it, looking to Kent in confusion.

“Jack asked me what I wanted for my b-day and I said I wanted to see your face exactly like this. Now HE said we wouldn't be able to pull it off. But, look at this. Operation Anaconda was a success!” He laughed, propping his fists on his hips and not-so-subtlety flexing his arms. Bitty's face erupted in red. He actually had to lean against Jack some, hand coming up to his chest, feeling faint.

“Operation Anaconda?” He asked, voice weak, unable to take his eyes of Kent's chest, his belly, his hips, down, down, down…”

“Oh, yanno, like Nicki M’s new song. My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun…” he sang as he approached, grinning bigger as Bitty legitimately whimpered.

“Is that the song Bitty was singing in the shower?” Jack asked as he slipped behind Bitty and started kissing up his neck.

“Yup.” Kent replied, popping the 'p’ and looking for all the world like he'd just won the lottery. He slid up to Bitty's front, grinning as Bitty automatically slid his hands up to rub them over Kent's abs, another shaky sigh tumbling from his lips. “How about we take him to the bedroom and show him exactly what this anaconda wants?” Kent asked with a waggle of his brow.

Jack snorted into the crook of Bitty's neck, muttering something about Kent being ridiculous. Bitty still hadn't recovered and looked up to the other, licking his dry lips. “But it's your birthday… not mine?”

“Oh, believe me Bits, taking you apart is a gift all by itself. Now come on, your shorts are ridiculously tiny. My junk needs to breathe, baby.”

The distance between the kitchen and the bedroom could usually be covered in less than thirty seconds. When the three were particularly desperate, they could even beat that. Bitty fondly remembered Kent literally sprinting once when he suggested they try rimming the first time. This time, though, it took that at least fifteen minutes.

Bitty couldn't keep his hands off them, for one. It wasn't often they lounged around the house with this few clothes on. Not that they weren't comfortable nude, but Jack and Kent were both celebrities and answering the door in just your underwear tended to bite then in the ass. Plus, every once in awhile a creepy through-the-window shot cropped up that solidified the idea that they should probably always have at least a shirt and pants on in the common areas. But now, Jack and Kent were barely wearing  _ anything  _ and Bitty was like ninety-eight percent sure they didn't have anything else on under the shorts.

When he voiced this thought Kent had laughed. “What the fuck else would fit?!”

So hands were everywhere, Jack crowding up behind Bitty. Bitty shoved Kent against the wall and grabbed at his waistband, getting his fingers under to undo the button. “Lord, Kent, how did you even get these to close?”

“Don't ask.” Jack muttered, lifting his head to grin at his other boyfriend. “He looked ridiculous, kicking around on his back to do it.”

“Jack described it wonderfully as flopping flounder.” Kent replied proudly, tugging at Bitty's shirt.

They spent another five minutes trying to collect themselves as Bitty couldn't stop laughing but once he was able to pop the button on Kent's shorts then it was quick work to get them all into bed. Bitty ended up crawling over Kent's body, Kent nestled back on the pillows because ‘I'm the birthday boy, Zimms’. Jack had rolled his eyes but allowed it, sitting back to watch Bitty crawl over him, back dipping as he tongued at all the marks left behind by the stitching of the shorts.

Jack marveled, as he always did, at how lithe and beautiful Bitty was like this, able to move on his hands and knees with a grace neither he nor Kent could maintain. The other two boys were large and lumbering. But Bitty looked like he was always a few inches off the ground, his steps even and smooth, his body always in control. Years and years of figure skating had trained him to always move with purpose, that fluidity coming second nature to him now. It was a sight to see, that was for sure, and Jack appreciated every moment he was given to see it.

“So beautiful.” He breathed, causing Bitty to look up to him over his shoulder. His cheeks stained pink but he smiled and winked, wiggling his bare ass a moment before returning his attention to Kent.

Kent was flushed and his breaths were a bit more labored, betraying the cocky smile on his lips. He looked hungry, though he hadn't crossed over into being desperate yet. He was enjoying the show, Bitty's legs slowly spreading as he crawled into Kent's lap. “I want to fuck you.” Kent breathed out suddenly and Bitty giggled, leaning up to kiss him.

“It's my party, I can cry if I want to.” he said in a sing-song voice, nipping playfully at Kent's chin.

“Is that a yes?” He asked, shifting impatiently under Bitty.

Bitty grinned and nodded. “Yeah sweetheart. That's a yes.”

With a deep sigh Kent pulled Bitty's face back up to his, kissing him deeper, dragging him in by his hips to pull him entirely into his lap. They maneuvered until Kent was sitting up against the headboard, lube and condoms in a pile next to them, Bitty with his hands on Kent's shoulders, thumbing at the back of his jaw. “I want Jack to prep you.” He whispered and Bitty nodded. “That okay, Jack? You work Bitty open, then I fuck him until he sings?”

“Crisse. Yes, god yes, that's good.” As if Kent really needed to ask. Bitty and Jack always seemed up to try anything. Sometimes Bitty was more nervous than the other boys, his size always a factor especially compared to Kent and Jack but there was rarely a time that Bitty wouldn't at least try. Jack didn't often request anything new, pleased enough with the basics, but he was very vocal about his enthusiasm when something new was brought up and it was often his eagerness that helped sway Bitty and ease his nerves.

Neither men seemed shy about what they were doing now. Bitty happily held himself up on his knees as Jack worked his fingers deep into the other. Bitty had slung his arms around Kent's shoulders and buried his face into Kent's neck, letting out the softest of whimpers and whines as Jack opened him up. Jack had crowded up behind Bitty again and anytime Kent made a noise for it, would lean around and kiss him slowly. And Kent? Well Kent was in heaven. He had a lap full of angel, Bitty making the most delicious noises he'd heard in awhile. Jack added extra weight onto Kent's lap, dripping lube on his thighs where it was tucked under Bitty.

“Are you good babe?” Kent asked in a gasp when he felt Bitty buck his hips against Kent's belly. “I want you so bad, fuck you look so good.”

Bitty nodded and pulled his face away, leaning in for a quick kiss before he motioned at Jack. “Y-yeah I'm g-good.” He whispered and Jack nodded in return, wiping his hands off on the bedspread then grabbing a condom to roll onto Kent. He sucked along Bitty's neck as he pumped Kent's cock a moment then helped guide the smaller man so he could sink slowly down onto Kent. “Ohhh…” Bitty breathed out, as if Kent was pushing the air right from his lungs.

When he was seated completely on Kent, Kent gave a tentative thrust. Bitty gasped and gripped his shoulder, pressing his forehead to it. “W-wait….”

Kent stilled, kissing Bitty's cheek and up to his temple. “I got you, breathe through it love.” He whispered, running his hands up and down Bitty's back. He closed his own eyes, resting his forehead to Bitty's damp hair, happy to give him a moment to relax, to get used to it, even if Bitty's heat surrounding Kent's cock was making it very hard for him to think.

Jack nuzzled up to Bitty's other side, kissing the shell of his ear. He smiled before singing so quietly. “His anaconda don't want none if you don't got buns hun.”

A laugh burst out of Bitty, giggles tumbling down after, his face turning for a kiss from the other. “Oh my god Jack… oh my god you're such a doof.” But he was smiling so big, and leaning in for another kiss and Kent sighed as he felt Bitty relax around him.

“Fuck, babe, you're so beautiful like this, laughing,” Bitty hadn't stopped giggling, Jack pulling more from him as he playfully hummed the tune to the song. “But Jesus I'm going to come just like this if you keep this up.” He huffed and that just made Bitty laugh more, Jack joining in now. Soon Kent was laughing too, hands gripping Bitty's hips tight, trying not to thrust up into him. “N-no stop! I mean it, this is so unsexy no stop making me laugh!” He tossed his head back into the pillows and Bitty fell forward with him, Jack dropping himself over Bitty in a big giggling pile of sweaty men.

When bitty and Kent finally settled and Jack had dropped to Kent's side, running his hand through Kent's hair, Bitty eased his face back to smile down to Kent. “Mmmmmm, hi…” he said with a last lilting giggle, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Hey sunshine.” Kent whispered, leaning in to draw that lip out, pulling a kiss from the other. “You're so beautiful.”

Bitty drew in a breath and blushed, as if Kent didn't already have his cock buried deep inside him. “Thank you. Sorry for ruining the moment.” he whispered, though his hips were already starting to move again, building that heat back up.

Kent shook his head, allowing his eyes to close as he groaned. “No way babe. This is perfect.” He tipped his head and looked to Jack who was lazily pulling at his own cock as he watched Bitty. “Besides, Jack's the one who ruined the moment with his terrible singing.” Bitty giggled again but didn't lose concentration.

“You should just be proud I remembered the words at all.” Jack muttered, leaning over to kiss Bitty's shoulder then to kiss Kent himself.

“Yes yes, such a good boy, blah blah.” Kent chirped playfully then hissed when it earned him a pinch to his nipple. “Gah no stop- wait no…” Kent's eyes fluttered as Bitty angled his hips just right. “Jack, do that again.” He gasped when Jack pinched it again, Kent's hips bucking up into Bitty deeper. Bitty sat up with his hands on Kent's chest for better leverage then started rocking his hips with intent, brows furrowed in concentration.

Conversation died after that and soon the room was just filled with the noises of their bodies, gasps, whimpers, moans, all of it filling the air with their sweet love. Jack had gathered himself back up behind Bitty, leaning the blond back so he could lean against Jack's chest as he fucked down onto Kent's cock. Kent helped guide Bitty's hips as he moved, still impressed with how much Bitty could bend, how much he could take. “Fuck, Bits. Just… fuuuuuuuck.” He shook his head, then reached to wrap his fingers around Jack's, lacing them around Bitty's cock to help him pump.

“I'm so close.” Bitty whimpered, one arm hooking back around Jack's neck, locking them together. Jack bit up his neck, whispering filthy things in French to the other. He worked with Kent to pump him faster and as Kent was just starting to lose his rhythm, Bitty's orgasm hit and he came hard. He cried out, body tightening around Kent's, coming all over Kent and Jack's fingers and palm. Kent tumbled after quickly, thrusting harder into Bitty's body. He felt Jack reach back around with his already sticky hand to fist himself off, coming with a grunt and a harder bite to Bitty's shoulder. Bitty slumped, arms sliding down to drop against Kent's chest, Jack holding him steady even as he labored through his own orgasm.

They took the time to catch their breaths, Bitty eventually tipping forward to pull off Kent and drop to his side. He nestled up against Kent's chest as Jack slipped from bed to clean them all up. As Jack buzzed around them, Kent cradled Bitty close, Bitty's head pillowed on his arm. Kent stroked Bitty's hair with one hand then touched down Bitty's cheek with the other, stilling only when his condom was pulled off. His attention returned to the other, smiling when Bitty's eyes finally fluttered open.

Bitty held his gaze for a few moments before flushing and tucking his face against Kent's shoulder. Kent snorted and kissed his cheek. “Don't get shy on me now, sunshine.” He murmured, lifting his hips so Jack could pull off the ruined comforter then flumping back. He waited until Bitty lifted his head again before smiling big once more. “There you are.” He breathed, touching over Bitty's pink, bitten lip.

“Here I am.” Bitty whispered back, his big brown eyes wide with wonder and love.

“You got me sunflowers.”

Bitty blushed again but he didn't hide away this time, only smiling wider. His eyes got a touch misty, his emotions running high. “I did get you sunflowers. Happy birthday, Kenny.”

“Thank you.” Kent replied, just as emotional, just as in love. When Jack slipped in behind Kent, wrapping him up in his big arms, Kent sighed deep and satisfied. “Best birthday ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea has been in my head for a bit and it was stupid enough that I had to write it down. Happy poly relationships give me life and these boys are fucking addictive. Kent happy makes me happy so tada, stupid, fluffy sexytimes.
> 
> Also I know people say Bitty's flower would be daisies but like??? Sunflowers yes???????
> 
> If you don't already know the song it's Anaconda by Nicki Minaj: https://youtu.be/LDZX4ooRsWs
> 
> Come yell about happy Kent with me on Tumblr @ ticktockclockwork


End file.
